So, perhaps some of you are wondering what happened to launching dellie. Let me cut right to the chase – I FUCKED UP! Yah, that’s harsh but it’s the truth. I was lazy, unmotivated, scared and riddled with doubt, I let the shit storms of life stop me in my tracks and wallowed in self-pity. I created really convenient excuses to not move forward because doing nothing seemed easier than just doing something. Let’s face it, that’s total bullshit and we all know it.
What did allowing myself to exist in the above do? It created one confused and lost Adele. I ultimately gave up control of my life and myself. Rather than telling the questions screaming at me (Where do I start? Where do I go? What do I want to do? Can I do this? Will I fail?) to shut the fuck up and talk one at a time, I allowed them to silence me. More bullshit right there but it seemed like the best defense mechanism at the time. The weight of them on my shoulders just sunk me further and further down. Rather than get up. I stayed there. Even I know I’ve overstayed my welcome and it’s time to get back up.
Can I answer all these questions today? Fuck no. But I know the answers will unfold. I just need to put in the work. Some hard fucking work but it has to be done. I don’t have a choice. The routine I’m in now is just spinning me in circles and I’m going nowhere. I don’t expect it to be easy at all. I’m really, really good at slipping back into old habits. But, I’m going to try and on the days where I’m back spinning in my self-destructive circle, I’ll remember this quote by Seth Godin:
I’m not excited to tell people what I do. I want to be. And I certainly don’t want to fucking waste away.
What about you? Are you spinning around in a self-destructive circle? Let’s commiserate for a moment and then get our shit together. Seriously! You with me?
Um, wow. can we be friends? I mean.. good friends? I totally get it. I also know we all go through dormant, weird periods where we’re lazy and nothing makes sense and that’s just the way it is. Idleness and complacency have their place in this world. We’re not meant to live a flat existence.. it’ can’t be all Seth Godin all the time. One man’s wasting away is another woman’s wintertime–a time of introspective boloney-filled bs that, at some point, leads to someplace wonderful.
or not.
we never know what will happen next, so be gentle with yourself and put one foot in front of the other.
i love your honesty here. i am still trying to figure out a way to organize my thoughts and tasks in a way that is productive, but i tend to get so overwhelmed with them and wind up with nothing to show for myself. i will be holding that quote close to my heart (and to-do list) in these next few weeks. we will get back on track eventually, right? one step at a time!
I love your honesty. I’ve been in a similar state for what feels like the majority of 2012. I started listening to all of the voices except my own and it has left me feeling disconnected and way further from where I’d like to be. Anyway, we’ll get there, but I love that quote by Seth Godin! I also listened to this talk from him this week and it was super helpful: http://99u.com/videos/5822/Seth-Godin-Quieting-the-Lizard-Brain
I’m struggling with similar feelings right now, though in a different situation. It is toughed feeling trapped, more-so when you are the one holding yourself back. We can both get out of these ruts. I like Amanda’s advice about one small thing and am taking it to heart. Cheers!
I absolutely know this feeling. I’ve been trying to get my design business off the ground, and yet I find myself perusing Pinterest because I feel so overwhelmed! You are not alone in this!
p.s. will you launch it now??? i think it will be amazing
i am pretty sure every commenter said it better than i could. but i love your honesty. i also wanted to say thanks for your congratulations on wesley :) :)
Dude…I know exactly what you are talking about. I feel as if I am going through the same thing right now, and yea, it seems quite tough to pull myself out of it. Whenever I get asked the question, “So, what do you do?” I freeze up, shrink to about 1 inch high, choke on my own words as they sputter out of my mouth and feel like a complete idiot. When I first found you and your site, I will be honest, I got really excited. You and your work/words intrigued me and I really feel as if you have way more going for you than you give yourself credit. It is easy to get overwhelmed. I have a draft post about it on my blog that I’ve been too scared to finish + post. I give you mad props for being so honest and open to the world. I know this will sound weird, but admitting it and coming to that realization is the first step to growth. Learn, grow, do. :)
Waving from my corner ;) Sometimes it’s uncertainty, sometimes it’s procrastination, sometimes I just freeze out of being so overwhelmed I don’t know where to start. It’s great to have a vision of where one wants to end up but getting there is the big part that most of us could use a little strategy with. Right now I’m visualizing Bill Murray in What About Bob… baby steps out of the office… baby steps into the elevator… hang in there Adele, I’m baby stepping with you, too. Shall we check in next Friday on Twitter then? :)
It happens to us all, my dear. But the good part is that you recognize it for what it is – fear and procrastination. And I know that you can conquer them both! I especially like Amanda’s advice of one small thing at a time. That always seems to help me get out of my mental ruts.
I was so glad to see you in my Google Reader today. Hang in there!
Thanks for your support Dondrea! Much appreciated. I plan on doing the “one small thing” strategy. Better than nothing right?
I feel very similar right now! I quit my job a few weeks ago at a fashion design studio where I was making big bucks so I could work from home and do freelance design work and start my own shop and even though this is all I’ve ever wanted to do, I’ve been procrastinating for the past 2 weeks mainly because my list of to do’s is extremely overbearing and overwhelming. I definitely think that as soon as we get the process going and let ourselves build up some momentum, the rest will take care of itself because we will have put in enough work on the projects that it would be silly to stop mid-way. I’m really happy to see you blogging again, though, which I think is a great start!
I’m pretty sure everyone goes through this stage at some point. When I first started Wit & Whistle I felt like a total idiot explaining to people that I quit my job at a design firm to make greeting cards, and it was really hard to stay motivated. I finally started moving forward when I stopped stressing about the big picture and just tried to accomplish one small thing each day. I can’t wait to see what dellie becomes!
Thanks so much Amanda. It’s been wonderful to watch both you and Wit & Whistle grow. It truly has! And too funny that you mention “one small thing”. I’m writing another blog post on that very subject as I type! ;)
I think it happens to all of us at some point, Adele! I’m stuck in a similar rut right now. My project seems to have too many “need to do’s” before I can get to the part that I’m excited to tell people about. I guess it’s the same as anything – one step at a time, until it starts to come together. I hope you find your way back soon :)