So, perhaps some of you are wondering what happened to launching dellie. Let me cut right to the chase – I FUCKED UP! Yah, that’s harsh but it’s the truth. I was lazy, unmotivated, scared and riddled with doubt, I let the shit storms of life stop me in my tracks and wallowed in self-pity. I created really convenient excuses to not move forward because doing nothing seemed easier than just doing something. Let’s face it, that’s total bullshit and we all know it.
What did allowing myself to exist in the above do? It created one confused and lost Adele. I ultimately gave up control of my life and myself. Rather than telling the questions screaming at me (Where do I start? Where do I go? What do I want to do? Can I do this? Will I fail?) to shut the fuck up and talk one at a time, I allowed them to silence me. More bullshit right there but it seemed like the best defense mechanism at the time. The weight of them on my shoulders just sunk me further and further down. Rather than get up. I stayed there. Even I know I’ve overstayed my welcome and it’s time to get back up.
Can I answer all these questions today? Fuck no. But I know the answers will unfold. I just need to put in the work. Some hard fucking work but it has to be done. I don’t have a choice. The routine I’m in now is just spinning me in circles and I’m going nowhere. I don’t expect it to be easy at all. I’m really, really good at slipping back into old habits. But, I’m going to try and on the days where I’m back spinning in my self-destructive circle, I’ll remember this quote by Seth Godin:
I’m not excited to tell people what I do. I want to be. And I certainly don’t want to fucking waste away.
What about you? Are you spinning around in a self-destructive circle? Let’s commiserate for a moment and then get our shit together. Seriously! You with me?